Between Heartbeats
by fiesa
Summary: Epic 2013. In the nanoseconds between thinking the words and saying them out loud, he can hear her voice. Drabble- Ronin, Tara.


**Between Heartbeats**

_Summary: Epic 2013. In the nanoseconds between thinking the words and saying them out loud, he can hear her voice. Drabble- Ronin, Tara. _

_Warning: Rather on the angsty side. _

_Set: Ronin fights the Boggins to allow Nod and MK to flee to Moonhaven._

_Disclaimer: Standards apply. _

* * *

His arms hurt. Usually, his sword is light, sings with the song of wind and earth. Now blood and ichor cover his hands and the hilt and the muscles in his arms feel like they are on fire. The slim katana weights tons in his right hand.

"That's all you can do," Ronin laughs/pants/shouts.

Boggins, boggins everywhere. Breaking armors, spilling unspeakable fluids, screeching and screaming. A nightmare, or perhaps a dream come true. He cannot remember when he last was able to fight with such reckless abandon.

There is nobody left to save anymore. Nothing to lose.

Nod looked like he wanted to disobey when Ronin shouted his order. _Priorities, boy_, there is nothing that is more important than saving the pod and bringing it to Moonhaven. Maybe MK's presence has saved Ronin from a quite embarrassing screaming match on the topic of authority and duty. The boy's growing up, it took some time but Ronin can see the gleam in his eyes. It's good to know what you're fighting for. Nod found his reason, he supposes, while Ronin, the second the pod was gone, lost every single one of his.

No.

He lost them earlier. He lost his only reason to fight the day Tara died in his arms. The yellow caterpillar can say what he wants – no queen will ever be able to replace Ronin's queen, and when he thinks about it, it feels _right_. It's not that he does not think the new queen could benefit from his knowledge. It's just that something inside him died, a short time ago, a Tara-shaped piece that just broke out of his heart, withered and died with her, and he does not think a new queen would benefit from someone as shattered as he is. No, queens come and go and time passes and a new queen should have a new general. Maybe Nod will be ready for that task one day. If not, someone else will.

A momentary lapse in the stream of his adversaries gives him the opportunity to bare his teeth at Mandrake's army, a feral grin that stretches his face and cracks his dry lips. He tastes his own blood, coppery and warm. It's good Tara can't see him now or she'd be horrified. It's been a long time since he fought like this, in a real war, kill or die, she was the heart of the forest and Ronin's heart and he lost it now that she's gone. Who cares? Vermin pounds at him again and his sword turns into a lethal lover as he cuts through sinew and chitin, bone and flesh, and the stream of enemies does not stop.

And his arms are getting really, really tired.

Faces blur before his eyes and he feels the weight of his sword, and Ronin knows he is approaching complete exhaustion. _You're not the youngest anymore,_ ha, it would be sad if it wasn't so funny. Here he is, fighting like a berserker, and he does not even do it because he wants to survive. Ronin knows he wants to die – it is just the matter of taking enough of Mandrake's vermin with him so Nod and MK will safely arrive at Moonhaven. He knows he has a head wound – there is blood running down the side of his face – and his armor is the only thing that has kept him alive until now besides his own fighting skills – but what good it is if there is nothing left to lose anymore?

The ground is wet with something he does not even want to consider. Exhausted to the bone Ronin slips and staggers; catches himself by using his sword to hold himself upright; and the avalanche of opponents rises up and devours him. He closes his eyes. It's not too bad, actually, he saved Nod some trouble, now it's on those children to continue on. He prays they will survive. Tara loved the forest, he wouldn't want it fall into shadows. But there is nothing he can do anymore, nothing left for him.

_Tara, I-_

In the nanoseconds between thinking the words and saying them out loud, he hears her voice.

_Get up._

It is like a breeze on a hot summer afternoon – she always was – if he faltered, she gave him hope, and when he was unable to continue, her voice urged him on. There always was a bond between them, from the moment he first set his eyes on her. From that moment, he had loved her.

_Get up, Ronin. It's not over. _

Her commando voice, allowing for no excuses. He laughs, breathlessly, feels the smile he never wanted to show her. _Yes, My Queen. _Ronin staggers to his feet again, throwing off enemies like a dog throws off water, with a wordless shout he gathers all his strength, he aims, jumps. The fall – or flight, rather – is endless, he flies and flies until the tips of his fingers feel dry stone, until his body slams into solid rock. Somehow he manages to grab something to hold on. Underneath him is a melee of bodies as all his adversaries try to reach him at the same time, he cannot see Mandrake, he does not care. He thinks of her – _Tara, Tara, _why_, I only wanted to see you again – _but underneath his boiling desperation and exhaustion he can feel the draw that calls him back to Moonhaven. A whistle. Two horrid creatures hiss and jab at his left foot, he kicks one of them in the face and cuts off the other's arms with his sword, and then his fingers slip and he falls again. Lands on his loyal hummingbird, just in time, and they take off. And the fact that there is nobody to chase him finally cements his fears: she was right, there still was danger. He needs to get back to Moonhaven, find the pod, keep it safe, Mandrake is gone and who knows what he's scheming. Nod's a good boy but he's still green behind the ears and MK – Ronin trusts her but she's so inexperienced, so little like Tara. With aching arms he sheathes his sword and tries to wipe his hands clean. It's useless, sticky liquid, copper and white and whatever, clings to him, he gives up and leans back. Closes his eyes.

He is so, so damn tired.

_Ronin, _the voice says_, don't fall asleep now._

"I'm awake," he replies, automatically, and the shock throws him back onto the saddle of his hummingbird, into the darkness of the night. They are speeding towards Moonhaven and the night is cool and strangely silent.

Phantom pain grips him so hard he doubles over.

_It's not over yet. Hurry, Ronin._

"I know," he tells the darkness, his voice hoarse and barely a whisper. _I know. I won't disappoint you._

Whoever it is he hears in his head, he does not receive an answer. The darkness falls onto his shoulders like a thick, cool blanket. Ronin sighs and rolls his shoulders, hisses when he realizes the wound in his side is deeper than he thought. Apparently, there's still something he has to continue living for.

Between heartbeats, he misses her.


End file.
